She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
