never play flip cup with pint glasses
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
