things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
