i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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