oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
