dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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