Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
