I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
