I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
