that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
