It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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