So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
