I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
