i used baking grease as lip gloss
Come see our sink grown plant.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
