Sponge bath it is.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
