my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
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