Plan B is the new Plan A
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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