the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
