I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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