so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
