Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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