I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
