I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
This is classic penis vs brain.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
