Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I wish my penis had an off switch
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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