So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
