I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
