When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i think i have two assholes
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
