I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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