just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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