tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize