I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
