He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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