i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
