All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
