Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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