You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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