Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
