hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
