she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
