i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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