I met the friendliest cop last night
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
