She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
