i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
