some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
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Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
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This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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