Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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