so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
