Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
