I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
