Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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