you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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