my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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