just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Houston, we have a squirter
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
