good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
