She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
