now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I look better un-naked...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
