I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
