just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
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You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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