There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
