TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
