We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
