He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize