no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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