She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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