Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
