If i come over, it means nothing
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
