I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
