so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
