I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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