Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
