Im at strip club and am horny
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
