I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
