I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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