I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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