while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
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She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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