so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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