is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
