I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
