You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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